Blessings

This past weekend I had the amazing opportunity to attend my first Exodus International Freedom Conference. A few years ago I attended a mini-regional conference, but it was nothing in comparison. A few years ago it was much smaller, shorter, and I went by myself as my husband and I had recently separated. This time not only have we been reconciled for 1 1/2 years, but he attended as well.

To say I was blessed is an understatement. I think I'm still processing the right words to describe just how much God did for me (and us) during those few days.

The first thing I noticed was the most amazing sense of FREEDOM. There was no more walking on egg-shells about saying the right thing, or not saying something. There were no mincing of words to make sure someone wasn't offended, or the wrong thing assumed. There was no worrying about whether or not people were "safe" or would start rumors about what was shared. I could freely say, "I am a spouse of a husband who struggles with SSA" and feel no judgment or condemnation. Rather than uncomfortable looks or stares, I got hugs and encouragement. For the first time, I felt like my protective mask was finally off. I could be me and my husband and I could be us in our purest forms.

The second thing I noticed was the instant and deep friendships and bonds that were developed. We sat with other couples who have been there, are still there, and are walking their own journeys right alongside us. We could openly share about our struggles, hurts, and victories, and not only do they understand, but have walked the same paths. Even when we'd talk with people who weren't couples, but individual strugglers, or family members, there is an instant connection that is difficult to explain. There is just something about people taking off their masks, and being completely vulnerable and transparent with one another. In a way, I felt I experienced a little piece of heaven...we were fellowshipping and treating one another as God intended us to.

The third thing God revealed to me was how far I (and we) have come from that life-altering day in October 2007. As workshops were given and testimonies were shared, I marveled at where I had been and where God has me now. But on the same token, God also showed me how much further I still have to go. I have some wounds I thought had healed, but this weekend revealed I had only put band-aids on as they were still very raw and needed to be addressed.

And lastly, God encouraged me that it's time for me to step out of my comfort zone and begin using my journey for His glory. Within the next few weeks we are meeting with our senior pastor to discuss starting an SSA ministry/support group in our church. Our Recovery ministry has already expressed an interest, but they've needed leaders and more information to do so. This is a huge step of faith for each of us, as know we are going to be attacked for our obedience. But from the beginning of our healing journey, I have felt called into this type of ministry...but it wasn't until this past weekend where I felt released to go and begin it.

I'm scared, and excited, and terrified, and encouraged all at the same time. But I know I have God always watching over me and always going before me.

I'm so excited at what He has in store...

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1,2

~joyfully broken