I love how God works. I was immensely blessed to experience a “God moment” today and had to share it.
My dad called wanted to take me to lunch this afternoon. We had a good lunch and talked about generic life stuff. As we were driving back to get my car, my dad handed me a book he’s been reading. He told me that he wanted to loan it to me because as he read it, God laid it on his heart to share it with me. He then read me a page. The words made me want to weep. Mind you, my dad has no idea what I’ve been going through this week, yet he felt the need to share this with me.
The following is what he read. It’s taken from a book called Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young (devotional taken from February 7). The entire book is written as a letter to me (the reader) from Jesus:
“Come to Me for rest and refreshment. The journey has been too much for you, and you are bone-weary. Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion. Instead, see it as an opportunity for Me to take charge of your life.
Remember that I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different. Start with where you are at this point in time and space, accepting that this is where I intend you to be. You will get through today one step, one moment at a time. Your main responsibility is to remain attentive to Me, letting Me guide you through the many choices along your pathway.
This sounds like an easy assignment, but it is not. Your desire to live in My Presence goes against the grain of ‘the world, the flesh, and the devil.’ Much of your weariness results from your constant battle against these opponents. However, you are on the path of My choosing, so do not give up! Hope in Me, for you will again praise Me for the help of My presence.”
Romans 8:28 (AMP); Psalms 42:11 (NASB)
I’ve since read this passage at least three times and am resting in it right now. There’s no humanly way my dad could have known I needed to hear these words…but God knew.
One of the things that stood out to me the most was that Christ does understand and He does see the emotional and physical exhaustion I’m enduring. But I especially loved the last paragraph: Much of your weariness results from your constant battle against these opponents [the world, the flesh, and the devil].
I often beat myself up for being so exhausted. Many times I have thought the exhaustion stemmed from the tug-of-war over control between me and God, as that was my former “drug” of choice. I then become depressed because I think, “Gosh, will I ever make any progress in this area?!” However, this passage has made me realize that yes, sometimes I may be tired from trying to control that which is out of my control, but many times—and I think that more often that I realize—the exhaustion is coming from my obedience to a God in a world and environment that is constantly trying to rebel against His ways. I’m so tired because I am fighting an uphill battle in an area that the enemy has gained much ground on. I’m tried because I am mentally obeying my Lord in a sinful body that desires to rebel. I’m tired because I really am on the path God has laid for me.
This latest revelation has me sitting in a sweet peace that passes all understanding.
~joyfully broken
Since beginning my recovery journey, one of my goals has been transparency: to share and truly feel whatever it is I’m going through. This post is a very transparent one because right now my heart is wounded and I’m experiencing a lot of pain. I have a wound that seems to never quite heal. I start the healing process, and then for a reason only known by God, it’s ripped open again and again. There’s a passage I often refer to during times like these. I feel it so adequately portrays the hurt and pain I’m feeling.
Taken from "The Journey," by Melissa Haas:
It’s important for you to know that you cannot speed up the grieving process. The losses you have
experienced are very real, and your wounds will need time to fully heal.
Think of it in terms of a big boo-boo. (Bear with me; I am the mother of preschoolers.) Your brother has disobeyed and in the process cut you deeply. Hearing your screams, Daddy runs to you. Taking in the situation, He looks straight into the eyes of His son, His eyes filled with fire and tears at the
same time.
“Son,” He says in His deep, authoritative voice. “Wait for me here until I come back. I need to take care of your sister. You have hurt her very badly.”
Turning His attention to you, Daddy cries, “Oh, my girl! You are bleeding!”
He picks you up in His strong arms and carries you to a safe place. Very gently He explains, “Honey, I have to clean this wound out, and it is really going to hurt. I’m sorry, but if I don’t clean it out, your
wound won’t heal, and you will get very sick. Do you trust me?”
Your child’s heart wants to trust, wants to believe that Daddy has your best interest at heart, but when the first little bit of antiseptic hits the wound, the pain cannot be denied. “Daddy!” you scream, “It hurts!”
“I know, Sweetie. I wish I could make the pain go away.” And as tears drip down His face, He
carefully but firmly cleans out the wound and bandages it.
“Daddy, hold me,” you cry as the tears subside and your sobs turn to shuddered sighs.
“I’m sorry, my love. I’m so sorry.” And as He rocks you, He begins to sing over you and you fall asleep in His arms.
“But now says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel, ‘Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by my name, You are mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you. For I am the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I have given Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Sheba in your place. Since you are precious in My sight, since you are honored and I love you, I will give other men in your place and other peoples in exchange for your life.’” Isaiah 43:1-4
There are two main things that I love about this scripture passage. First, I cherish the fact that God calls me by name because I belong to Him. I am not just a child, I am HIS child. I am precious to Him and He loves me more than I can fathom. The second is the mention of “through”—through the waters, through the rivers, through the fire. God promises me He will always be with me during the painful times, but He also promises me that the pain will be temporary; to go “through” something means that I will come out on the other side.
My sponsor has encouraged me to soak myself in God’s Word, which if I’m being honest, I haven’t been doing much of lately. I actually haven’t been doing much beyond trying to survive each day and each moment. But her encouragement and prayers brought me to a passage I’ve clung to before in my dark moments. I feel it echoes the pain of my heart perfectly, and then concludes with a beautiful promise that I am holding onto at this moment.
“I am the one who has seen the afflictions that come from the rod of the LORD’s anger. He has led me into darkness, shutting out all light. He has turned his hand against me again and again, all day long.
He has made my skin and flesh grow old. He has broken my bones. He has besieged and surrounded me with anguish and distress. He has buried me in a dark place, like those long dead.
He has walled me in, and I cannot escape. He has bound me in heavy chains. And though I cry and shout, he has shut out my prayers. He has blocked my way with a high stone wall; he has made my road crooked.
He has hidden like a bear or a lion, waiting to attack me. He has dragged me off the path and torn me in pieces, leaving me helpless and devastated. He has drawn his bow and made me the target for his arrows.
He shot his arrows deep into my heart. My own people laugh at me. All day long they sing their mocking songs. He has filled me with bitterness and given me a bitter cup of sorrow to drink.
He has made me chew on gravel. He has rolled me in the dust. Peace has been stripped away, and I have forgotten what prosperity is. I cry out, ‘My splendor is gone! Everything I had hoped for from the LORD is lost!’
The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:
The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, ‘The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!’
The LORD is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the LORD.
For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love. For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.” Lamentations 3:1-26, 31-33 (NLT)
~joyfully broken
