I haven’t written on here in far too long, and for that, I sincerely apologize. Life has been especially crazy lately. In early March, my husband and I were talking and learned we were each feeling God telling us change was around the corner. It wasn’t change that we were to be afraid of, but more like a new direction He would be guiding us towards. We were shocked to discover we each felt this, and in our minds, only reaffirmed that God had some big changes in store for us.
Towards the end of March, we were incredibly blessed to attend CrossPower Ministry’s annual couple’s conference. We had learned about the conference last June at Exodus. Stonegate Fellowship, who hosts the conference, was also at Exodus. We met some great people from their church, became instant friends, and have stayed in contact with them ever since. They insisted we do all we could to attend the CrossPower conference. In addition, our sponsors/mentor couple was invited to attend with us.
The couple’s retreat was amazing and life-changing. We met other couples who have walked the same journey, and with that comes a special bond that cannot be explained. We met some life-long friends that weekend. We were also blessed to hear some great speakers, such as Troy and Melissa Haas…the author of “The Journey” workbook, which dramatically changed my life! It was such an honor to hear from then and continue to learn additional tools of recovery. The best thing about the conference was we realized we are completely normal. In a world that often stigmatizes this issue, I can’t begin to describe the relief we felt when we sat and talked with other couples and realized their struggles and trials were exactly like ours. We left the conference feeling incredibly refreshed and encouraged.
I also walked away with a sense that God wanted me to do more. I shared this with my sponsor, and we agreed to pray about it. A few months later I felt God leading me to approach the counseling ministry at our church. I spoke with the Director and told her about “The Journey” and the huge impact the workbook has had on my life. I told her that I knew I wasn’t the only wife of a recovering SA, and that unfortunately, resources are few and far between for the spouse. She immediately agreed and was excited about the material of the workbook. She ordered her own copy right then! She said she’d review it with the hopes that our church would begin a wives’ support group that would work through the material. I offered to co-lead the group, along with my sponsor who had also offered. I know I can’t push the timing with this possibility, but I’m beyond excited at what may be in store for other wives.
Another exciting adventure that is bringing change is a new life. Unbeknownst to us while we were at the couple’s conference, a new life was beginning! After years of trying, we came home from the conference to discover we were expecting our first baby! This child is a true testimony to God’s grace and healing. To think that our marriage almost didn’t survive its first year, and now, four years later, we are absolutely thrilled about expanding our family. This new baby, which is due mid-December, has already transformed our lives. It has forced us to address things, talk about issues, and work through stuff. Things are not perfect, and never will be this side of heaven, but our relationship has blossomed into something I had only dreamed about. The intimacy and level of communication between us has grown leaps and bounds. We’re learning completely new levels of respect for one another, and the trust that was broken and shattered for so many years is growing, stretching, and continuing to draw us closer to Christ and one another.
God wasn’t kidding when He told us things would change. He apparently felt our housing and financial situation should adjust as well. We’re now in the process of trying to purchase our first home, and I was informed that as of December, I will no longer have a job (where I’ve worked at for the past five years). I’ve already been blessed to find another place of employment after the baby is born, but all of the changes are still quite a bit to adjust to.
I will honestly say that throughout all of this I haven’t felt stressed. From the very beginning I have felt the most amazing sense of comfort and peace. This is another testimony to God’s healing, because “former me” would have had at least three panic attacks by now. Although some of it does feel a bit overwhelming at times. And then last night while reading a devotional, I read:
“God’s timing is always on time.”
The sheer simplicity of the statement made me smile. I often overcomplicate God’s plans. This year has been full of change in our lives, but the timing of each change has been absolutely perfect.
“…But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13,14
~joyfully broken
